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Friday, July 27, 2007


Yeah so it's my turn. I dont have any spine-tingling, emotional or good story from any book to share. Just mine.

As yall know I had my attachment, still having, but will end next week. Big deal. Yeah it's a big deal to me. Thought I wouldnt be worse then studying to get good results but I was quite wrong. I mentioned before about how I was really bad at work and I miraculously became better. Well yeah, I'll prolly share that journey now.

Main thing was I kept making mistakes, endless mistakes and cant seem to understand a certain programme this company uses. I was quite dumb la, didnt write down the steps and thought I could remember them all. Smart move. Had this colleague sitting beside me that taught me most of the stuff, but I kept forgetting them and she sorta said like "why you keep forgetting". Once I had to do a schedule and I vowed never to ask so I can fully say I did it by myself. But alas I had to. There was one part I hadnt done before, so I had to ask. She showed me, I didnt catch a thing. She started ranting on something I did 2 days ago that was related to this schedule, I cant remember that either. My bad, but hey I'm new to this. Anyway I got really mad, and lost my temper saying she didnt teach me properly. Got another blast full. Got so embarrassed. Luckily that was the one and only time.

Anyway, the more things I re-corrected, the lousier I felt. I knew my grades for this attachment were at stake. I so desperately need to improve. At times when I made errors, I would get so upset and just sit on my chair quiet for many hours doing what I'm gave slowly. This scenario went on for weeks. Yeah I did pray everytime I did something, but it just turned out wrong.

In such desperate times, I had nothing to do but cry out to the Lord during worship. Not like literally shout or scream but my heart did. Cant remember what I said to Him but it was something like, I cant go on by myself and I want Him to help me through. Or maybe more emo than that I dont know. Somehow, somewhere I guess he must have heard.

A week went by fine, I avoided stepping on their toes. That programme which I was struggling to grasp became clearer. I could remember the bank codes and procedures. 1 month had passed okay. Still had a couple of blunders here and there, but somehow everything was much pleasant. I was also getting along fine with the colleague beside me. Suddenly life was looking much more lighter. I didnt dread going to work as I did for the past 2 months. Overall it was much much better.

The most coolest thing about God was that he somehow saved me from getting fried, 2 times. Once was that I voided a cheque in the software but forgot to void it manually. Another colleague needed to issue a cheque from that company's cheque book and wrote on the cheque that was already voided. Somehow she had made some errors on that cheque and had to use a new one. And thank God she made those errors. If that cheque was written right, signed and sent out, I would have been slaughtered as it was a void cheque ready to get bounced. Dont know if any of you can understand these stuff anyway. The other example is much more complicated and wont further explain. But, you know that's so cool about God. He somehow pulled me through the mistakes I did, and I didnt even pray before I did that task.

So if anyone has this situation (I hope not), or some other bigger problems in the future. I know that you will know God is in together with you even if you cant feel or hear Him. And even if you may not be always very "spiritual" daily (like me), you should know that God wouldnt abandon you. Though even after all, everything didnt turn out right in the end or you didnt get what you wanted.. I'm sure there is a bigger plan out there. There definitely is.

So now I'm left a week to end. It's like a blink of the eye. I still hope everything will go well though. Cant take things for granted. My next big thing coming up in life would be my piano exam. Even I know how not good I am in piano, I still wanna pass well anyway. I'm practicing very hard la. I wont request for special prayer, but if anyone happens to suddenly out of nowhere think of me... dont think of Milkshake but pray for my exam. But whatever is the outcome, I guess it's all in the plan.

There's a phrase that always gave me some hope when I remember it. "If God brings me to it, He will bring me through it" Hope this phrase might help someone out there. Hope yall had a good week! cheerio.

"Salt of the Earth" came from this song "Lighthouse" by Mary Rice Hopkins. Some ancient song I liked when I was primary 5. Cant find the full music though, the one I heard was a small part with children singing =S I still can remember the tune so maybe one day I'll tab it. For bored people, you can click here to see the lyrics on page 2.


♥ vanessa
9:56 PM